So I have 50 days until I leave. That's not very many. While I am excited and counting down, I am also beginning to grasp that I have no idea what the next year hold. I suppose you never really know but I don't have a plan.
While the prospect of just going with the flow has always seemed so enticing, I'm a planner. I like to have list and clear goals. The goal is to get to New Zealand, while until I am physically on the plane there is nothing else that I can do but wait. Waiting means stopping and reflecting, Which if your a planner like my self it usually means reflect and modify the plan while you wait. I can't do that because after arriving there is no plan other then don't starve and finding a place to sleep.
I think it should be liberating, It's not I have recently been held hostage by my emotions. I will get through this and that's awesome but for right now In my head I'm running around in circles flapping my arms going I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING WEEEEEEEEEEE.
I suppose it should be similar to what Peggy always says fake it til you make it or at least look busy.