Saturday, 19 December 2015


The holidays are here. I can never pinpoint the exact moment where the feelings of warmth creep into my bones but this year I think it has come with the snow. Today it is snowing, not like huge flakes that are staying but the first snow I've seen at home all year.

The house is decorated presents bought, tree up and a house smelling of food. Im so happy and content to be spending this holiday season with my family. It's going to be two years before I spend it at home with them so I will cherish this time as it won't be the same.

Happy holidays for what ever you celebrate, or don't. Just enjoy the wonders of the last few weeks of 2015 and have some eggnog. (unless you don't like it then have some warm beverage, if you don't like those drink water. If not water just enjoy your existence because it is awesome.)

Thursday, 3 December 2015

A month and a bit

So I have 50 days until I leave. That's not very many. While I am excited and counting down,  I am also beginning to grasp that I have no idea what the next year hold. I suppose you never really know but I don't have a plan.

While the prospect of just going with the flow has always seemed so enticing, I'm a planner. I like to have list and clear goals. The goal is to get to New Zealand, while until I am physically on the plane there is nothing else that I can do but wait. Waiting means stopping and reflecting, Which if your a planner like my self it usually means reflect and modify the plan while you wait. I can't do that because after arriving there is no plan other then don't starve and finding a place to sleep.

I think it should be liberating, It's not I have recently been held hostage by my emotions. I will get through this and that's awesome but for right now In my head I'm running around in circles flapping my arms going I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING WEEEEEEEEEEE.

I suppose it should be similar to what Peggy always says fake it til you make it or at least look busy.

Monday, 9 November 2015

November is finally cold!

     I'm not sure if it is every where but thus far it has been a rather warm November. Which has been a little bit jarring for my internal clock.

October was a weird month a lot of good things happened and some not so great ones . I got my Visa for my trip, and people died it was really like something out of a novel. It has been about three week since I stopped reading. I'm Pretty sure I am done the grieving period for my last book. to the library tomorrow after work to get everything sorted. It should be a great adventure.

My Trip has been booked, the flights are still up in the air but I'm actually going on my trip! Finding insurance is a pain. Most insurance will only cover you as long as you are covered by ohip, which I understand is so that I'm covered under the health care system here. It just makes it difficult to be covered. There is however a loop hole where you can apply for an extension while away. I'm hoping I qualify for it or can convince OHIP to cover me for my entire trip.

The Flights will get sorted today, hopefully. I've had to switch methods of payment but I'm going come hell or high water I'm going.

I went to the Harmony Inc, international convention and competition this past weekend, My chorus placed second overall, as a none participating member it was a treat to watch. Was Odd not being in the chorus but it was nice to watch. I did get to preform with the chorus for a special number. It was a lot of fun, we made people cry and stand in respect.

First week of November down. Starting the second. This week is filled with rehearsals for our concert on the 28th Birthday planning for my friend and My first trip to our other office to help get everything organized.  November is going to be an adventurous month.

I have to see if I can negotiate my final date of work before the trip only so I can get a few more hours. But if not I'm done on the 18th of December! WEE

Wednesday, 21 October 2015

Excitement and forward motion.

My Travel Visa has cleared! I'm leaving! Now I just  have to book the trip with Gap 360 and My flight! WOO!

So Soon, I'm so nervous, I'm leaving for an entire year. It's shocking and seems like a completely blank space in my life, where life after isn't because I will be doing something. I'm not sure I can do nothing  I doubt I will actually be doing nothing. It's the unknown. Which is interesting because I've always thought of my self as an adventurer.

Wednesday, 16 September 2015

Missing school

September. This work means many things and for the past 20 year it has meant school. Now it doesn't. My skin is itching and all I want to do is go to school. I miss it, I didn't think the feel would be so strong. All I want to do is have the structure and freedom that comes with it. The ability to choose for me what i want. This seems to have gone out the window. My home life is great but my working life is difficult.

I am working towards my trip which is wonderful, ( I have the funding for me visa!!) but something in my life  is missing. I'm not sure if it's the feeling of working towards something or moving forward or what but I currently feel lost. Along with these feels comes the panic and the despair but also the drive.

The drive to succeed and move forward away form the things that are causing me to feel trapped.

This drive has lead me to apply for a position as a stewardess for air Canada rouge. I'm excited and nervous but i need the adventure. If i don't receive the position i will still be going to New Zealand.

If I could leave now I would. The Urge is very strong.

Positive note! I'm an aunt again. My nephew Elliotte was born at 8 pounds 6 oz!   So happy to welcome him in to the world! Love you so much!

also on the positive I have joined an a Capella Barber shop chorus! I love it. Im singing bass it is fab. I'm so content. Wee!

I Love to sing.

feelings are all over the place.


Friday, 14 August 2015

September fast approaching and lim twitching for school

For the first time in 20 years I wont be going to school in the fall. I thought it wouldn't be an issue, hahahahah was I wrong. I keep looking at course calenders and classes for institutions I can attend after work. Im not even settled into my job yet and I would love nothing more to return to school. I am greatful for my job but something about academia calls to me. Perhaps if I get myself more involved in music and things I enjoy the urge will go away. But this is like an itch Im unable to scratch.

Moving forward is not what I expected, not overly difficult but heart wrenchingly realistic.

Saturday, 18 July 2015

Halfway to crazy but all creativity

So I have finished working at Lowe's. I will miss every one there, my co-workers were awesome. However I wasn't able to keep doing 7 days a week any more.
16/16 days of straight work are complete now I have my first weekend off since may!
Im tired and punchy but I have fringe! So happy to be volunteering at the Hamilton Fringe Festival, Im making friends and just having a blast!
Day two today!

Sharing dreams and new adventures with people. 3 days Until Montreal! Im just so thrilled!

Life is looking up and moving forward, squee!

Wednesday, 1 July 2015


As it is July First HAPPY CANADA DAY! I've made it this far. Recently I graduated from university got a job, then another job, then  a third job related to my second job and a fourth job teaching in my field. Now Im quitting my first job because my second job offered me 35 guaranteed hours a week. I'm very much looking for ward to not working 6-7 days a week and having time off.

It's all very exciting, I'm currently working on my passport application, extension on my OHIP and renewing my drivers license and health card. I'm getting closer and closer to leaving and still the majority of it all seems very surreal.

Im excited but nervous, and thats ok. Im also stoked for my vacation in July, going to Montreal for five days with friends! No longer getting ink while I'm away but oh will I enjoy those doughnuts and poutines. There is so much to see and do Im not sure we will get to it all but it will be great!

So on some healthier information i've been running again I'm on week two of the couch to 5k.  It's getting easier so I think next week will kick me in the teeth. However, I am moving forward and feeling better about it all the time.

I just need to finally find out what is wrong with my lungs and ear, and i will be ready for anything. Im hoping to find a solution to my breathing problem weather it be a puffer or just a dietary thing. I'll be happy with a solution the issue instead of a patch work job. I like to make things that last a long time.

I have so much sewing to do in the next little while and I'm not sure when ill get to it but I'm going to try my best to stay ahead of it all. Just like practicing and looking for opportunities to preform. Im hoping to get my stuff together enough to hit a few open mi nights this month.

Now that is my next/last few weeks in a nut shell.

Thursday, 4 June 2015

Two jobs and time inbetween

It's been a while, but I have not forgotten. I have finished all my finals, moved home settled in and found two jobs. I work full time ish hours working in a temp agency office and at a hard wear store.

I do enjoy both my jobs however I work really weird hours. My next step,is finding places and ways to,perform weather it be in a musical, singing at open mic night, or finding a band to do weddings with. I love to perform and it's a huge part of what I want to do.

I'm looking to pick people's brains I how best to go about this while I still practice and learn in a traditional manner.

I'm in a great place I just have to,stay motivated and remember that it isn't always about work.

Wednesday, 15 April 2015


FINALS! I have completed Three of my five finals, one tonight and one tomorrow at noon. Im so tried and mentally drained but so close to finishing I'm not sure what to do with myself.

The great debate of the moment is do I want a sandwich or a burger for dinner. SO I am so good right now.

I can do this and will soon be done my undergrad!

Wednesday, 11 March 2015


Some mornings I wake up and Want to leave. I just want to go and not come back until I'm ready. Some days I want to walk through books as an observer, other times as a minor character. I want to see and experience the world and I want it so bad it hurts me to be still. Other days I want to see this world and all it's wonders not just the things we see on tv or in movies but actually go to these places. However standing on the edge of this scares me beyond all reason. I am going to see and experience all the things I can in this world because I can't stand still. 
Never have I been able to be stagnant some times people get left behind but I will not slow down to satisfy others. I leave in less then a year to go away and I may not come back, I probably will but it has always been a matter of time before I leave again. It takes everything in me some days not to just pick a direction and run. Today is one of those days. I have not left my house or the campus is almost a month. I could leave right now and have no regrets. I do have promises to keep and a degree that is so close to finished that there is a counter on my blog counting down the days. So If I some times seem distant it's because my body is here but my mind is not.

I do not make promises I will not do everything in my power to keep. So finishing this degree and not running away immediately is very difficult to me. 

Im going to make the best of being home for 8 months even with only a dream drinking me forward. 

Thursday, 26 February 2015

Exciting Week

So this week has been great. I've gotten all my homework done, and things for my recital are finally falling into place. I'm getting excited , trying really hard to fight through my anxiety and keeping in a positive head space. One more midterm next week then I'm free until finals.

Monday, 16 February 2015

Reading week

So, I'm on reading week this week. My professors are like go enjoy your week off and I laugh at them  usually really hard. By Week off you mean the week you give us twice as much homework for and out all of our midterms after? That week in the middle of February that isn't even a full week because one day is a holiday? No this week I have 6songs to perfect 8 to learn for singing three for flute and I some how have to manage to get good at the French horn. Once that is under my belt I have 13  short assignments, 2 long assignments, 8 chapters to read and interviews to do for my field research.
There are some pluses, seeing my boyfriend and my parents but in between sleeping and homework. I also need to take my computer to the shop because the battery is dying, and running very slowly. I'm hoping to not break the bank but we will see.

Monday, 2 February 2015


So after an entire week of being home sick, I am finally feeling better. I have accomplished a lot today. I finished lego batman, sewing a pair of pants, three short papers, laundry, cleaned my kitchen and now have a cheese cake in the oven. I am still going to do some writing and reading before bed. Its nice to do things again. School is headed in a positive direction.

Wednesday, 28 January 2015

Bad news good news

Bad news first, I have a cold and a virus making my throat swollen and the beginnings of asthma.  So, I am on lots of drugs to kill it dead. The good news is im staying ontop of my homework, and actaully getting lots of sleep. almost done picking my rep for my recital, which has been shortened some due to conflicts regarding practice times and what not. This is not the end of the world but it might feel like it at times.
Starting the final phase of one of my pieces and getting an handle on the other. But first some homework, to finnish.

Thursday, 22 January 2015

School, computers and many loud noises

This week has been an adventure. I got the approval to overload so, I will in fact be graduating in June! I some how have managed to stay on top of all my homework. So thats a start. I started dance again this week, after a month of not dancing, so everything from the bellybutton down hurts. Yesterday of all things to happen my computer is no longer holding a charge and has now been chained to the charge cable. So I have ordered a keyboard for my tablet. I am doing my best but my life seems to challenge me, which is good and bad. If it was all easy I would never learn anything but if it was all difficult I would suffer at the weight. However, I seem to not have a break.

As for the loud noise, my head just won't stop pounding.

Wednesday, 14 January 2015

Last Year, Last Semester and All I want to do is graduate

So the university has decided I am not eligible overload. I only need to be over a half credit, it's a half credit. However, I don't have an 85% average overall or in my major so I’m not allowed.  I have overloaded every other semester of my undergraduate degree but this semester I have to have an 85% average or get permission from the dean of my faculty. This is making my life overly difficult when all I want to do is finish in April and graduate in June. This does not seem to be asking for too much I am a good student and always pay my fees on time. 

Sunday, 11 January 2015

School week one

I've now had my first few days of classes. Which consisted of an audition for wind Ensemble ( university level band) and Ear training. I hate ear training, however only this semester left and I'm done! Started picking my music for the semesters, with my teacher and looking at my music for my recital. I also had my first university of Windsor student association( UWSA) training/meeting. It was interesting. I'm really looking forward to at least trying to make a difference.  However meetings for the UWSA take place twice a month during wind ensemble so I had to withdraw my audition. I need full commitment to both and I can't do that with both during the same hours. I ran and was elected to be on the UWSA so I have to take it seriously.

Wednesday, 7 January 2015

My winter break is over, classes start tomorrow and the high way is closed between London and Windsor. It is going to be an interesting ride home. Despite the fact that these three weeks have been great, I am looking forward to my last semester of my undergraduate degree. Remembering to breath and that food really is worth it, I'm as ready as I can be.

Friday, 2 January 2015

Post number one

I am going to New Zealand for a year, before that time a lot of life milestones and other things that need to be accomplished. This is all about my journey from now until I'm home again. Postings may be sporadic and nonsensical, but it's the journey I want to share.